Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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