And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
