mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
