I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
