I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
