I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
