Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
