Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
