the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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