I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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