When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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