if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
