So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
