Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
