just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
