Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
