this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
