Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
