I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
