Me too!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
