All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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