Someone shit on the floor
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
