You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
