I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
