After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
