well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
