You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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