so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
