I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
