Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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