Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
