just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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