he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
