we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
