my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
