i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
