So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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