Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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