is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
