she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
