i jhust puked up my retainher.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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