So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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