Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
