girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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