I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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