I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
