how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize