cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am spending my child support on dildos
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
