She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
