Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
