Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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