Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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