I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize