my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
