i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
