He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize