Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
