i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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