I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
