It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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