how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
