Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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