She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
