This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want nice things and good sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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