'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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