Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He passed out mid-signature
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
