OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
