she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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