I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
