pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
