This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize