Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
