my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
