I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
