I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
