i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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