Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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