I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
