so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
