we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
